Friday, March 04, 2005

Last Night

Me: "Do you think I should look for a new job?"
Hubby: "Are you unhappy with the current one?"
Me: " No, but do you think maybe there's something great out there?"
Hubby: "Look out if you want"
Me: "But that's a lot of work you know...Do you think I should look for one?"

See this is a conversation that has been repeated with slight variations several times. I'm one of those people who likes her current job alright but I don't feel that "connection" with it. I never dreamt of doing modelling/programming/whatever-it-is-that-I-do, I did not as a 10 yr-old dream that I would one day be the greatest OR person on the planet (I would not have known of the existence of OR of course but you get the general idea), I do not when I wake up in the morning go "Yippee, can't wait to code that cool idea!!!” ...it's just a job to me. And THAT is the problem. I am a firm believer that I MUST have some true calling. I just don't know what it is yet. In this very pursuit of a true calling I have wandered into painting classes, interior design classes, pottery classes, salsa classes, jewelry-making classes...and I should say that most of these have transformed into wonderful hobbies and the painting has stuck somewhat.. but that dream of walking around in a brand new gallery with a glass of wine in hand going "I was inspired to paint that when I was passing through a small village Eretria in the outskirts of Greece..." still seems far, far, far out. So I can safely say that I have not yet bumped into that calling that will have my heart racing, that will give me sleepless nights and the most satisfying slumber at the same time.

So every once in a while I worry that I'm wasting away my most productive years being moderately good in a moderately okay profession in a moderate company. We're taught to reach for the stars and I'll have no problem doing that when I find my elusive true calling. Or maybe it's time I realized that as far as careers go, I am a moderate achiever and moderate is not so bad...

We're in bed now, and
Me: "...So this project is not so bad but tell me how you feel.. Do you think I'm just being lazy, do you think I should start looking out?"
Hubby: "Maybe it'll not be a bad idea if"
I turn around to see the half-opened 'Iliad' on his chest, mouth slightly open. Gentle snoring. Mid-sentence!!! How can men do that??? I cannot fathom how they do that. Or don't they? I'll like to think this problem my man has is not a rare disease....but you can't be too sure in these matters.

21 Comments:

Blogger TOL said...

I have so many options that I want to test to see if they are my true calling, that sometimes I wish someone would just let me peek into my future and make life easier:)

11:53 AM  
Anonymous Ash said...

Gabbie, I used to think that Id be perfectly happy if I was doing the kind of job that would make me happy. And a little part of me still believes that job satisfaction is paramaount, but over the years ( wowie, that makes me sound old ! :P), Im afraid reality has stepped in and eaten up my idealism.
Money, career prospects...so many factors to consider too. Im dreading the day I have to step into the job arena. Shucks, wish I could go back to frolicking carefree again :(

P.S, naah, ur hubbie isnt a rare breed, my dad is to often tell us bedtime stories and fall asleep halfway through ! :D

12:38 PM  
Blogger FunnyCide said...

Gabby, whats up with all you folks?!! just y'day Kitkat said that she wanted to go on a spiritual tour to find out her true calling!! makes me wonder if it has something to getting hitched?? :))

I just discovered that being a Gemini that I am, I have more than one "dream careers" and one of those is to find out what they are!! and like I said the other day, our moms and dads have drilled into our heads about finding a secure job with a steady income, preferrably a "government job" :D so it will take a lot to throw caution to the wind and become a forest ranger in a national park [well, that is one of my dream careers, as you know now]..

ash! "reality has stepped in and eaten up my idealism" - good one there!!

1:35 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

tol: I've wished that too..but tell me what happens if the peek I take shows me miserable doing some lame-ass job. so I know that particular one won't work but then what?...I still don't know what to choose..

Ashy: Reassuring to know all men do it..I din't know they start all this in their 20-somethings only..o well each day is a discovery...little warning here: there will continue to be little surprises even after you think you know him so well...long after the mehndi fades :-) (Sorry if I'm being a little presumptuous here! I'm in the gyan-giving mood). I agree, one should want to wake up in the morning and *feel* like going to work, that's the important thing...job-satisfaction is what one should hope for..maybe "job-overjoy" doesn't exist (maybe that's why there's no such word, take a hint Gabby!)

FunnyC: Good for you!!!Don't worry though I wouldn't embark on a spiritual tour or anything...still trying to make Paris happen, me being my own materialistic self for now. but forest ranger! you are full of surprises..

2:18 PM  
Blogger FunnyCide said...

>>I agree, one should want to wake up in the morning and *feel* like going to work, that's the important thing

That is if one wants to wake up in the morning.. ;) is there a job where one can sleep and drool on the desk? [maybe thats what my parents meant when they said govt job!! ;)]

3:05 PM  
Blogger alpha said...

hmm..introspecting eh? It is good to do that once in a while. I guess its a problem with us desis. We get used to something and are afraid of the unknown. Gratis, I dont know what advice to give you as I go through the same thing once in a while. I think you need to seriously ponder and check out options and weigh circumstances. Live your life the way you want sweety!
as for sleeping midsentence..freak..you have slept when I was talking to you midsentence!

4:51 PM  
Blogger AmitL said...

Hi,Gratisgrab,that's a nice bit of introspecting..I'm with u,where the line of thought is concerned,namely,that u need to feel a part of the job,in order to be happy at it.Soo true.(Touchwood,I love my job,albeit,it gets pretty tiring at times.)..Lastly, falling asleep while reading..LOL..nothing new.:)

2:42 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

well i'm glad to know that most of you go thru this dilemma at a regular basis yourselves!!! amitji is the only exception...good for you man!!

alpha, sorry but u tend to be your MOST talkative in those late hours...bechara pi, he most be going thru this on a regular basis...but i've NEVER dozed off midsentence madam, please check notes.

Thanks for dropping by people...

7:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

U r into OR ? Thats interesting. What kind of job is it ? Mathematical programming ?

Zoheb

10:04 PM  
Anonymous ashi said...

he he he...it's so easy to say "go grab your dreams" ain't it?

read the alchemist? u might like it if u haven't read it yet..:)

11:33 PM  
Blogger anumita said...

Rest assured it's not a rare but a common disease among the husband variety! Especially in the dark!
May you soon experience your moment of epiphany.

11:54 PM  
Blogger phatichar said...

Awww, it happens to me all the time Gratis, so don't you worry 'bout it. I keep having the same kinda conversation with wifey every so often.. :)

Nice flow of thoughts, btw..will keep visitin'.. Take care now. ciao.

3:33 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Zoheb, yes it's mathematical programming...you too by any chance?

Ashi, no i din't...cool, now have "Alchemist" on my mile-long should-read-next list. Thanks :-)

Anu (Can I call you that?), and now, horror-of-horrors, he's trying to convert me into a morning person..It's a near impossible task of course...!

Phatichar/Ramana?..ahh, did i get you wrong or are you actually saying that you're in my position...? yay!!..it's gratifying to know it's not just the men who are falling asleep while the wifey is introspecting aloud...kudos to your wife :)...will go check out your haven now..!

Thanks for visiting people!

5:44 AM  
Blogger Tricorn said...

Erm... is it so very wrong to fall asleep halfway thru a conversation started by me?

But I'm so tired...

Maybe I shouldn't even start in the first place, eh?

5:56 AM  
Blogger Patrix said...

Ever wonder how you slowly begin to dislike the work that you once loved? I think, you like to have new challenges every few years. As Alpha said we desis are ever afraid to take risks. Are you?

10:33 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

patrix boy, all this i-need-to-have-passion-for-my-job-talk aside, i think i'm quite a coward the rest of the time..and you know, the work might not be as stimulating as it was those first couple of years but that comfort level you hit where you don't need to prove yourself or impress your bosses every freaking moment of the day is hard to give up, wouldn't you agree? Gives you time to blog and what-not, non?

11:44 AM  
Blogger Patrix said...

Nope. You do need more than just passion. Sometimes passions too cool down...maybe it is unpredictability that we crave for however misleading that may sound. We don't want to get up and know what we are going to do for the next 2-3 weeks...just thinking of that can be boring.

3:02 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

patrix - Ah, maybe you are right, I think you are.. but going in search of that unpredictability is the part I'm having trouble with. The natural resistance to change is one thing, but imagine a situation where that very unpredictabilty that we crave results in some crazy surprise not altogether pleasant...it's a pain having to be a responsible adult, or at least trying to be one...

4:03 PM  
Blogger Peeyush said...

Did you ever think it was a defense mechanism on his part ;) I mean you know, after 8 years of marriage, I understand! It is not like I would do it, but I understand.

12:26 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

peeyush, all the married men seem to "understand"..hmmm, maybe i should start a women-only blog now...i could use that exclusively for the venting and then maybe the defense mechanisms usage would fade eventually...

8:46 PM  
Blogger Tan said...

This post could well have been on my blog! :-) I've been visiting and revisting the possiblities of changing my profession and doing something "different". Something I can be passionate about. I tried staying home for 10 months, tried various classes, got really bored and went back to work. Have come a full circle and I'm still bored!

If this makes you feel better... Picture this: Post-meal, important discussion happening on a late Sunday morning on the breakfast table. Sid falls asleep in mid-sentence. I give up!

1:27 AM  

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