An Arranged Chaos

Four years ago, Mr.Gabby and I attended his friend David’s marriage. It was a beautiful Southern wedding held in Florida. The bride Jen looked radiant and the wedding went off without a hitch. At least it seemed like that to us and that speaks for itself. The ceremony brought tears to my eyes and the dancing and reverie at the reception left us all quite breathless. When David and Jen did the rounds later, stopping at each table to say hi and thank us for coming, David made as if to reach out to hug me. Maybe I took a second longer than natural to respond and he paused and whispered “Gabby, want to hug now?” Well I’ve never been asked that question, and I found it a wee bit odd but said yes and we hugged. Later, I understood that if he had reached out and I had not responded, the part of the wedding video that showed Mr.Gabby and me greeting them would have had to be removed and he did not want that. WOW. If that isn’t an orchestrated wedding, what is?

Now I’m back from attending an Arranged Marriage. Maybe they should make that term an “Arranged Match” and leave it at that because Indian weddings are as un-arranged as they can get. I’m sure my own must have been crazier being an unarranged match to begin with, but the bride at the time was blissfully ignorant as was the bride this time around. Mostly. Except for the one time the bride and her beautician had a yelling match an hour before the wedding which I refereed and might I add that I have a high-pitched voice myself. Then the keys went missing (The keys. I will have to devote an entire post to just the Keys and their Mysterious Wanderings. The senior members of Mr.Gabby’s family *I love them and all* have an obsession with the hiding of the keys. Godrej1’s * keys will be in the locker of Godrej2, Godrej2’s keys will be under the lining of the 2nd shelf of Godrej3 and so on....till you hit the Safe room key. Once you’re inside the Safe room you need a GPS to find what you came looking for. But it’s best to holler for help. Might I also add that this sequence of Godrej1 > Godrej2 > Godrej3.... is a non-repeating one. It will keep changing so you have to be in the loop and figure out the latest pattern. Which is tiring when you are told that as well as “Gabby here is very responsible and will be in charge of the keys” in a language you barely understand!)

It has been a long while since I attended an arranged marriage and for the uninformed about this kind, I have to tell you the one thing that really stands out about such a wedding. Everyone is very happy, except for the bride and the groom who tend to get into these pensive moods. Obviously. The families have bonded and gelled. Now what remains is the bonding and gelling of the people getting wedded. But of course they will grow to love, that’s what happens, doesn’t it. For the record, despite the undertones you might be sensing, I don’t have much against the concept of an arranged marriage. If you haven’t met that right person for you yet and you’ll like to get married - here’s some help, is what it is. The concept is gaining popularity in all parts of the world and I was amazed to see many instances among my Asian and American friends. The period of interaction between the boy and the girl is significantly longer though and they say they “met through their parents” instead of saying “Arranged. Not Love” as we Indians often put it. Let’s not do that, let’s not rule out love right away!

Well in these weddings, the barriers that different religions, castes, social-status and mother-tongues usually pose are non-existent and people in general have less to worry about and for that matter comment about. So they can concentrate on how everyone is looking and the giving and the taking and the transactions of wealth in general. Jewelry is a hot topic and so is the amount of zari on sarees. Pure zari. God forbid if somebody has some ‘spun’ or ‘tested’ zari on their sarees! (I will not go into what those terms mean, suffice to know that they are inferior to the real thing). My husband’s community loves their diamonds too so ears and necks adorned with our best friends shone with a brilliance that threatened to overpower the video camera lights. I dryly commented on a lady of the newer family appearing in a different saree for almost every ceremony several days before the actual wedding (An Indian wedding usually runs for 3 to 6 days, composed of several ceremonies of increasing significance) and was told in no uncertain terms that my “American” style wouldn’t work and I better do the same. So I joined the herd and left no stone unturned, fishing out my 3 year old wedding trousseau and loading on the jewelry much to the satisfaction of all parties involved.

Confusion abounds in all our weddings and in this one I saw a new thing or two. Bangalore traffic contributed in more ways than one, stranding the artist who had to perform in the reception for hours. The "boy's side" continues to cluck under their breath about it and the "girl's side" will continue to pretend we din't hear them. We all tend to be forgetful when we have so much on our minds and I won’t be surprised if I miss a hair-brush or a garment while I’m unpacking now but there were instances when people forgot entire suitcases in this wedding! When I heard about it, I tried to show the appropriate level of dismay on my face but I failed miserably and burst out laughing and luckily for me a lot of people also saw the hilarity of the situation. When I thought I had seen it all, I was told about a story that does the rounds in my hubby’s family. Apparently after our own wedding, Mr.Gabby forgot to wake up his sleeping grandfather in his hotel room while his family was leaving. So the party set off and remembered midway to the airport that they were missing the senior-most member of their family. The suitcase story slid from its number 1 position and this one with my own Mr.Gabby starring in it quickly took it’s place.

There were so many more and I’m sure they will all find their way to this blog someday. Someday soon, when I’m not so jet-lagged and there’s plenty of coffee and milk in my house. I’m so tempted to reveal this blog to the bride and groom. They will be able to add so much and they can laugh about their wedding for ages. The gossip, the food, the nakhres of the boy’s side, that fat socialite lady who talked about her own daughter’s GRAND wedding for so long we had to gently remind her after a bit that it was years ago and please snap out of it already. I wonder what David and Jen laugh about, I guess they have their own stories and a lot must have lingered for way after the wedding, much of the evidence though must have long vanished, been edited out with appropriate questions that were whispered at just that right instant before a hug.


* Godrej is a well known company in India that makes steel almirahs among several other things. Almost every household will have a couple of these almirahs that usually hold the family's clothes and valuables.