Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Baby Talk

Our friends are pregnant. The reason I say friends is because that’s how couples talk about expecting a child here in the US of A. We are pregnant. Like in we did it and we will be supporting this baby together. If they were a lesbian couple and were both truly simultaneously pregnant, I would have rested my case and looked for another topic for my rants. But that has rarely, (what am I saying? Never) been the case in the 20 or so instances I have heard the phrase and I am forced to start typing. Please, men have their own roles to play, but they cannot bear children so lets not all scamper into the pregnant wagon. They will not have to deal with all kinds of weird (yet beautiful) things happening to their bodies, they will not actually give birth to the child. So they should stick to the "We are expecting" phrase in my opinion. The phrase in question makes it sound like they are trying to assure us that the husband is indeed the father-to-be and there are no doubts whatsoever. We sure hope so! Ah, I would smile when my parents’ generation used the term "family way" to say a woman was pregnant, and I laugh when I here this modern equivalent to the pronouncement. Hypocrisy can swing so many ways.

Over the last year I have rarely been told this kind of news without it being followed by annoyance and anger about how this came to be. It surprised me at first but I rarely raise an eyebrow now. “I just don’t know HOW!” says one. Another gushes “Omigod, we’re so young! Who would have thought!!!” Apparently nobody is really trying. Methods that quote a 99% effectiveness rate have not been very effective at all it seems. “Why do we even bother with it!” – I began to wonder. Or have we been hanging with nice albeit stupid couples who are having trouble reading those instructions that are printed neatly behind boxes? Until. I. Caught. On. This now is the fashion ladies and gentlemen! Just like the lingerie-inspired camisoles, tiered skirts and round-toe flats, this too is the "cool" thing to do. Pretend your baby is the result of a wild, wild night when you threw caution to the winds. When you were young and carefree and boogieing away the night, along came the baby and really you weren’t even expecting a third at the party.

Why? Oh why? Why pretend you never wanted a little one of your own?! I have heard of older generations pretending "mistakes" never happened and this here is exactly the opposite. But again it’s being insincere, albeit in a newfound way. Ever wonder what will happen when your little one chances on that information? Ever stop to listen to how your words belittle the wonderful gift of procreation? I do not write this to the 17 year olds who can’t wait and then bear the burden of their ways. Nor is this meant for the couples who are really surprised and are being honest with us. This is singularly for the couples out there who think it’s cool to lie about their attempts to have a child. You know who you are. You’re making life! Tarnish not it’s honesty - that too, in so trifling a way!

Well, despite the way these announcements are being made, I am incredulously happy for our friends. I jumped for joy. The hubby suspects my delight has something to do with having somebody in my age group lead the way, so we can all ease into it later knowing that the nanny-procuring techniques, car-seat research and all possible hand-me-downs are being covered as I write this. Well, I do not-so-secretly hope we will only have to drive by and pick up a neatly organized folder in the years to come.
*Something tells me it won’t be so easy but I remain the incurable dreamer*


Blogger anantha said...

Hmmm.. it might just be a coincidence, but I couldn't help wonder whether I see a natural progression in your posts!

Subject of first post: A wedding that you were gonna be attending!

Subject of second post: Post wedding issues that you had to advise on ;)

Subject Third post: Consequences of advice (from second post) not heeded properly?

I know its highly improbable that the subjects of the second and the third posts are the same, but too much of a coincidence to ignore!

6:28 PM  
Blogger Rash said...

Hysterical at the 'we are pregnant' announcement. Some couples, though very rare, say it here too and yeah I always feel like laughing when I hear that. Have you seen that movie 'Filhaal'? It's a nice film otherwise but the moment sanjay suri and tabu jump up hearing the news and announce 'we are pregnant' I burst out laughing much to the dismay of the sensitive people watching the movie with us.
and about the cool way to get a kid: that's here as well. It's either an 'accident' or well...y know...we've been married for four years so we thought....but few will EVER admit they were actually trying to have a kid for a while.

8:31 PM  
Blogger Pallavi said...

Gabby : :)thats interesting.. LOL.. sometimes its denial.. sometimes its surprise .. All rolled into one.. and no one wants the other to lose out on the blame I guess hence "WE" become pregnant..

I have couple friends who concieved very soon much to their dismay and in teh heat of the moment both started blaming each other in front of us..

I was amused and at the very time sad.. ki here there are some who hawe been trying so hard at conceiving and there these to were like kicking the gift around.. SIGH.. :)

10:59 PM  
Blogger KJ said...

Some people take things for granted. I concieved after 6 yrs of trying. My baby is a gift from god to us.

Some ppl just dont realise that.

Have posted baby's pic on my blog. :D

have a nice day....

12:00 AM  
Blogger Twilight Fairy said...

I know of ppl (in our generation) who are aware that they were a 'mistake'.. esp if there is a huge time gap between siblings :p..

About snaps.. well..err.. if only you would have read *all* my posts, there's a link there somewhere :) and if curiosity is killing this cat, imagine justine shapiro, kate winslet and benazir bhutto all rolled into one.. LOL.. :p and if that doesnt do it, well gimme ur mail id and I shall post some 'gyan' to u.. :)

3:01 AM  
Anonymous alpha said...

bacchu, you can write all this when you are smugly thirty and ready in life for the third party to intervene. Imagine the case of our very own 'beauty queen'. We all knew, right? Well, I dont know about older couples (I mean like you) resorting to such cheap fashion statements. That sucks indeed. Btw, did you hear my ex-roomie and my cousin both (including their hubbies) are preggy. Phew...I guess I can catch up on gossip in this comment box apart from those phone calls.

5:46 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Anti - LOL! Maybe the term for the natural progression is actually "Age" ? On a lighter note, if we were talking about the same couple, WOW was that sex-ed class on the steps to Tirumala effective or what!??

rash - Just another flu spreading homewards...like so many others! There are so many other phrases that are so apt, funny and precise that Americans come up with and I rarely see those being used elsewhere. Why do we have a penchant for the blah ones?

Pallavi - Your friends seem to be an entertaining lot alright! We should compile a volume on the gripes together. It could be called "Bardash-ing Bakwaas - Bangalore to Boston" :)

kj - You have one lucky baby girl! Will go check out the pic right away!

t fairy - Interesting....the men are still falling all over the airports? ;)

5:49 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Alpha - "Beauty Queen" is pregnant? Wait a sec - which beauty queen? And I know my friends heading the mommy way are not unprepared in any sense, so there's no point waiting to be a smug 30 to state the obvious. Didn't you hear of these statements? Generation gaps of a few months, who knew they existed?

6:00 AM  
Anonymous observer said...

The phrase makes me laugh too. When my boss said that I remember giving his waistline a furtive glance. Maybe that was why it was expanding?
Good post Gratis.

6:04 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

LOL observer! Your boss was a victim of "sympathy cravings" maybe? :)

& thanks!

6:13 AM  
Anonymous charu said...

superb post (as usual!) - it is raining babies in my world (not exactly my own but around me) and I can perfectly relate to whatyou are saying... it is so cool to say 'oh, just that once and' - and yes it does sound cooler than saying we tried and tried and finally made it! but just that once usually happens only in movies...
but it makes my blood boil to hear of a pregnancy being called an accident flippantly...

7:40 AM  
Blogger AmitL said...

Hi,Gabby,that's quite a unique post,indeed.:)And,that's an interesting observation(The 'We are pregnant'dialogue..LOL.I guess people do go overboard(Well,they shoudn't, when they are pregnant, literally speaking.)don't they?).Wonder when u're going to give such 'news' on your blog?:)Just kidding.

7:46 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Charu - thanks thanks :)...In the movies! Ah, I should have worked that into the rant...so much scope there! I remember watching "Julie" as a kid and going "What happened? What happened?" to every older member in the family! LOL! :)...Please, the first time?!!

Amitji - My rantings will fast lose their uniqueness I'm afraid..so remind me to sprinkle a poem or two in between!...Hey I'm fresh back from an India trip - the skin is think - demands on "news" will be ignored for now :)

8:02 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

I meant - the skin is THICK..typo!

8:06 AM  
Anonymous observer said...

Gabby, yes, it must be sympathy cravings. That's a convenient coining if there ever was one. Or maybe I shouldn't speak too soon?!

8:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Tarnish not it’s honesty"
Well said!
Even before life has really begun!


9:25 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Well said too Peggy!
What beginnings!

9:40 AM  
Blogger anantha said...

Ummm, effective lessons indeed, if they were intended to be in that direction. If else, I'd ask the poor gal to sue ;)
Anyways, speaking of complaints, am reminded of an acquaintance who went home to SriLanka for the winter break this past december to visit his wife. And a few months later, he found they hadn't been exactly careful. The wife is now here on a visit for obvs reasons and she cannot get any insurance cos of the pre-existing "condition"!

9:48 AM  
Blogger anantha said...

Rotfl @ "older couples (I mean like you)" and "generation gaps of a few months"!!!

9:50 AM  
Blogger Peg said...

Ah, nice post! But with all due respect, my hubby never said WE are pregnant but he was!! WEll, not in the sense of actually carrying the baby, but in every aspect there of! He craved foods, got very moody, felt uncomfortable at times and even gained weight(an excuse to eat all the stuff he really shouldn't--I knew!)
So, for four pregnancies (I lost one baby though) he too, was indeed, PREGNANT! I just wished he was able to deliver!! ;-)
Congrats to your friends!! Many Blessings to them all!!

10:17 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Anti - HA HA! Yes maybe I was a REALLY BAD teacher! In which case you are wise in staying clear of my gyans! But let me hasten to assure you that the couples in question are all different...

Your poor friend! Guess he was just making up for lost time :)...Pre-existing condition..they make it sound like a disease or an itemized deduction on your tax filing! LOL!

And yes, I'm glad you like the little jokes...my initial response was "Maybe somebody needs to go to the potty?" :)

10:40 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Peg - LOL @ "I just wished he was able to deliver!! ;-)"! That would be soooo nice...they are coming out with a pill for men, if only they could extend the theory...sigh...

You have three girls right? Wow. I'm sure my friend could learn a lot from you. As of now she is very excited and very nauseous...:)

10:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ROTFL @ lesbian couples and simultaneous pregnancies

me likey

10:49 AM  
Anonymous Zoheb said...

Talking about us (me and myself), we are single and hence we don't expect to be pregnant anytime soon. But if it happens, honestly, we would be completely surprised (not faking it).

11:47 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

zoheb bhai - it's a little difficult for ya'll (you and yourself) to yield results of the discussed kind. i know ya'll have been practicing since adolescence, but really, no worries. If something happens do let me know, THAT will require much more than a 1/2 page post, believe you me :)

12:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Believe me honey, however much you have been planning or however long you have been waiting when it finally happens you are taken by surprise.

Still In a Daze

11:11 PM  
Anonymous burf said...

frankly speaking, i cudnt get the point but sometimes it's sheer happiness and sometimes as the news that i got today is very tragic...

3:51 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Still In a Daze - Congratulations! Surprise is good, AND expected. That part I am not debating at all :)

burf - I don't like people lying about wanting a baby, that's all. Sorry to hear you heard some bad news. Hope things get better very soon. Take care.

6:26 AM  
Anonymous observer said...

ROTFL @ "i know ya'll have been practicing since adolescence"

6:28 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Glad you found that funny observer. I expected something from Zoheb but he has moved beyond this banter I see!

6:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey gabby, was directed to your blog thru a friend's blog (that makes us "almost" friend’s :D), btw good stuff!
i don't believe in accidents either....but at times you suffer the consequences of your own deeds .... i am a living example (with a 3 year old and a 2 year old !!) our son was conceived on a drunk and *ahem* passionate new year's eve ...one would think what are the chances of getting pregnant when you are nursing a 3 months old baby, haven't got your period back after child birth... viola .. VERY HIGH!!
our daughter was very much a planned child.i like to call my son ‘dah lurve child’ (read as ABC : Absolute bloody carelessness!):)
so you see mistakes do happen :)

10:15 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Hiya Anon! Thanks thanks, yes that does make us friends though I address you as Anon :)

O My God. You must have had one crazy time! But WOW, you got the whole 2-kids thing nicely wrapped up in a neat 20 months! :) Oh I'm so sure mistakes happen and I have no issues when they "speak the truth" as you just did...one very planned child and the other well not-so-planned. The people I was "scolding" in my rant were the ones who label it all to passion and carelessness....when it is clearly not so un-planned, for all to see!

Do drop by again and leave a name/blog so I can pay you a visit too!

12:51 PM  
Anonymous Zoheb said...

Gabby, We could have responded with details of our practice sessions and our nights of passion, but as you are sensitive about the PG rating of your blog we have decided to be discreet. We are surprised that "observer" finds our practice sessions funny.

2:22 PM  
Blogger anantha said...

ROTFLMAO.....at everything from practice sessions to mistakes to nights of passion!

12:32 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

zoheb - yes please. this blog will not be too happy with visuals that "ya'll" will involuntarily provide when you go into details! thanks much :)..yes observer likes you, Anti-C likes Anti...what's going on?!!

anti - What's ROTFLMAO??? I'm really bad with this chat lingo...

1:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hypocrisy can swing so many ways.

Is our concept of rugged individualism so dominant that the "we" philosophy becomes hyprocritical?

P.S.1: I love your writing. I have been a long time lurker on your blog but have been too lazy to comment. (Yes, it feels good to be out of the closet finally.) Your "hypocrisy" comment touched a raw nerve, however. Perhaps becasue we are pregnant and yes, we were trying and feel very blessed and fortunate indeed.

P.S.2: I have the vague impression from one of your earlier posts or comments that you have a KGP connection. Is my understanding correct?

10:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pardon the typo.

hyprocritical = hypocritical

10:31 PM  
Blogger anantha said...

Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off is what it means...

2:28 PM  
Blogger Twilight Fairy said...

nopes men arent falling, they are just 'staring' :p..

2:15 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Anon - Pregnant is the word given for carrying a child in your womb. Are you carrying one? I don't think so, though I can't be sure as you have given no indication as to being male or female. I do not say the job of a father is in any way less important but it's DIFFERENT from being pregnant. Celebrate THAT role, I say. By the way, congratulations! It must be an amazing feeling.

Thanks for reading all my stuff and commenting, finally...Maybe I should air strong views like the one on hypocrisy more often...if anything it'll make the lurkers stick their heads out :)

Do come back, and maybe you can leave a name next time?

anti - thanks.

t fairy - Aw come now. Just saw your picture. They are falling, believe you me.

7:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anon - Pregnant is the word given for carrying a child in your womb.

Thanks for explaining that! I would have never known. :)

I do not say the job of a father is in any way less important but it's DIFFERENT from being pregnant. Celebrate THAT role, I say.

See, that is my point exactly – the individualism that we are so focused on. Also, I am not debating which parent's role is more important. Clearly, God knew what she was doing. :)

I am simply questioning whether our individualism should render the "unit" concept hypocritical. At the risk of sounding sappy, let me say that some of the fortunate few find their true love and get to spend half, perhaps two-thirds of their lives together… for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. Some may even contend that after a few years, the two even start to resemble each other (now that is a scary thought). 

This is perhaps even more significant in societies where it is considered normal and expected for children to spend a significant portion of their adulthood (in addition to their childhood, of course) with their parents. But, after taking the holy plunge the general expectation is to prioritize your “own family unit", several times at the expense of your filial and other family obligations.

So, given all this, the “we” are pregnant concept, while biologically impossible hardly seems hypocritical IMHO.

By the way, congratulations! It must be an amazing feeling.

Thank you. It is… but I cannot express it in words, unless I have your writing skills.

3:02 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Anon - I see your point and I understand the "togetherness/one-unit" concept but tell me, here you are writing all this and I don't even know if you are male or female when you go repeating "We are pregnant"...so let's spare some things, let them remain gender specific. Let the role of carrying a child in a womb for some 40 weeks and then delivering it, be given it's due. Let that term remain a women thing! Of course it takes two to make it, two individuals so much a part of eachother that you want to extend that, but however much you consider yourself just a part of the couple unit, let some individualism remain!

I consider it a bit much, you obviously do not. Ah well, it's a good thing we're not married to eachother huh? :)

I find it weird to keep addressing you as Anon, and I have quite a few Anons commenting. So it will help if you leave a name, any name.

11:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for understanding my point. Yes, I agree that some individualism is essential and is a good thing. And once again, my comments are certainly not intended to undermine the role of a mother, either during pregnancy or at any other time. In fact, quite the contrary. I don't think that we men have either the patience or the mental strength (besides the anatomy of course) to have fulfilled a mother's role. Now that my gender has been revealed, I hope that my argument is not simply dismissed as being biased and/or chauvinistic. My only point is that I do not find the "we" statement to be hypocritical.

Anyway, I think that we have beaten this issue to a state of unconsciousness. I respect your opinion on this topic and have enjoyed this comment-discussion with you.

Ah well, it's a good thing we're not married to eachother huh? :)
Amen. :)

Take care and continue with your wonderful writing.
Chai Guy

Now that I have answered all of your questions (I think), would you please answer two of mine? Do you have a KGP connection from your "previous" life?

5:17 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Ah Chai guy, I thought you had moved on and forgotten our little débat :)

Why do you ask? Why is "placing" me that important? :)

4:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why is "placing" me that important? :)

I wouldn't say that it is important but it would be nice to "meet" a KGP alumni. There is no need to get all protective, Gabby. :)

Chai Guy

6:47 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Well then, you have just "met" one.
Nice to meet you too :)

7:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Would asking you regarding your major and graduation year, in an attempt to "place" you further, make you even more protective about your identity? My curiousity stems from the fact that I spent a few years of my life in KGP during the nineties and I was wondering if I possibly know you.

Chai Guy

3:17 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Chai guy, you do realize I am blogging as anonymously as I can, don't you? Else my profile would have all the information you want :)

Do continue to visit! & thanks for coming by!

7:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fair enough.

Chai Guy

7:53 AM  
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10:28 PM  

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