Baby Talk

Our friends are pregnant. The reason I say friends is because that’s how couples talk about expecting a child here in the US of A. We are pregnant. Like in we did it and we will be supporting this baby together. If they were a lesbian couple and were both truly simultaneously pregnant, I would have rested my case and looked for another topic for my rants. But that has rarely, (what am I saying? Never) been the case in the 20 or so instances I have heard the phrase and I am forced to start typing. Please, men have their own roles to play, but they cannot bear children so lets not all scamper into the pregnant wagon. They will not have to deal with all kinds of weird (yet beautiful) things happening to their bodies, they will not actually give birth to the child. So they should stick to the "We are expecting" phrase in my opinion. The phrase in question makes it sound like they are trying to assure us that the husband is indeed the father-to-be and there are no doubts whatsoever. We sure hope so! Ah, I would smile when my parents’ generation used the term "family way" to say a woman was pregnant, and I laugh when I here this modern equivalent to the pronouncement. Hypocrisy can swing so many ways.

Over the last year I have rarely been told this kind of news without it being followed by annoyance and anger about how this came to be. It surprised me at first but I rarely raise an eyebrow now. “I just don’t know HOW!” says one. Another gushes “Omigod, we’re so young! Who would have thought!!!” Apparently nobody is really trying. Methods that quote a 99% effectiveness rate have not been very effective at all it seems. “Why do we even bother with it!” – I began to wonder. Or have we been hanging with nice albeit stupid couples who are having trouble reading those instructions that are printed neatly behind boxes? Until. I. Caught. On. This now is the fashion ladies and gentlemen! Just like the lingerie-inspired camisoles, tiered skirts and round-toe flats, this too is the "cool" thing to do. Pretend your baby is the result of a wild, wild night when you threw caution to the winds. When you were young and carefree and boogieing away the night, along came the baby and really you weren’t even expecting a third at the party.

Why? Oh why? Why pretend you never wanted a little one of your own?! I have heard of older generations pretending "mistakes" never happened and this here is exactly the opposite. But again it’s being insincere, albeit in a newfound way. Ever wonder what will happen when your little one chances on that information? Ever stop to listen to how your words belittle the wonderful gift of procreation? I do not write this to the 17 year olds who can’t wait and then bear the burden of their ways. Nor is this meant for the couples who are really surprised and are being honest with us. This is singularly for the couples out there who think it’s cool to lie about their attempts to have a child. You know who you are. You’re making life! Tarnish not it’s honesty - that too, in so trifling a way!

Well, despite the way these announcements are being made, I am incredulously happy for our friends. I jumped for joy. The hubby suspects my delight has something to do with having somebody in my age group lead the way, so we can all ease into it later knowing that the nanny-procuring techniques, car-seat research and all possible hand-me-downs are being covered as I write this. Well, I do not-so-secretly hope we will only have to drive by and pick up a neatly organized folder in the years to come.
*Something tells me it won’t be so easy but I remain the incurable dreamer*