Thursday, April 28, 2005

Deal of a Lifetime

Scene: Year 2002, in the kitchen of my Chicago apartment.

I’m doing the dishes. The boyfriend is leaning on the counter top, sipping wine, and talking about this and that. I’m working hard.

He: I love the back of your neck
Me: (heart racing) *blush* *Replacing scrubbed pan and picking up cooker lid*
He: Come and have some wine. I’ll do the dishes later.
Me: No it’s almost done. *Replacing cooker lid, moving fast*
He: No, come. Don’t bother with them.
Me: It’s okay…I’m quick.

*He swoops me up and deposits me on the couch*
*I’m congratulating myself for meeting and roping-in spontaneous-lover-boy*
He brings me back a glass of wine, folding my fingers around the stem.
He: These hands are meant for this, not scrubbing, he says. Never scrubbing.

I believe I have attained domestic nirvana.


Scene: Year 2005, in the kitchen of our Boston apartment.

Hubby is doing the dishes. I’m leaning on the counter sipping wine. He is scrubbing the dishes twice before depositing them in the dishwasher. (Yes he is very thorough, yes he buys lots of cleaning products, 5 different types of scrubs and detergents for the dishes alone. No, don’t get me started on the rest of the stuff. Yes, we are aware it’s bizarre. No, we did not thinking of getting some help. Good therapy costs way more than good cleaning products)

Me: Remember? You really never let me do the dishes since then.
He: Hmmmm.
Me: I think it was very romantic.
He: Hmm.
Me: Do you really feel these hands are not meant for hard work?
*I lean on counter interestingly*
He: Hmm.
Me: Whaaat?
He: I cannot STAND the way you do the dishes. You never did the back of the pan. And you did not even remove the rubber-ring around the cooker lid and you had finished scrubbing and rinsing it.
Me: *Flabbergasted* You’re talking about that day? You remember the dishes I was doing???
He: Yes. And if you did the dishes in this place, we would be dead by now. You are the cook, sweetie and a great one at that.
(‘Sweetie’ part added to cushion blow of course, NOBODY fell for that)
Me: *Walking out of kitchen* I’m watching TV, have fun.

So much for the romance! But I have attained domestic nirvana. I don’t do any dishes around here.


Anonymous alpha said...

haha...same pinch man! At least you got the wine and some arbit praise about the back of your neck (seriously?)...yahan pe that ritual was also skipped.

2:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ROTFL! LOVE your writing girl.


3:22 PM  
Anonymous Arjun said...

Much props to better half for thoroughness and unstinting dedication to clean dishes.

Much props to you too for writing so very well.
Especially the way you subtly convey between the lines that you dont really believe that your cavalier attitude to dishes is the entire reason why you aren't allowed to do them. :)

4:10 PM  
Blogger Patrix said...

LOL! finally a guy who knows why it is important to remove the rubber-ring around the cooker roomies still don't understand. Ash is beginning to understand. And thank heavens for the compliments although they are cushioned; 'other' people are not even that lucky.

4:17 PM  
Blogger sudeep said...

Thanks for ideas :-P

4:17 PM  
Anonymous HiredGun said...

And to think, all he wants in return is a glass of Horlicks. :) Which he washes, I bet.

5:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok, I officially hate your blog because your blog is the blog I want my blog to be :)

*yeah, you can write, girl and I'm just jealous is all.....



6:39 PM  
Anonymous Ash said...

Lol !

You have got it made girl... he does the dishes ( worst part of any meal!) - you just gotta cook, enjoy the wine, be given sexy compliments and swooped up romantically.
Wowie :)
Nirvana indeed *grin*

7:38 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

alpha - seriously....must have picked it from some book/movie :)

shobha - thanks sweetie!

arjun - i thought my 'unmentionables' one had driven you away for good...welcome back :) & thanks, much!

patrix - i knew you wouldn't see my side (my 4 yr romantic illusion going ppphhhut)...:( anyways, happy scrubbing (stop trying to teach Ash, just take it over already!)

sudeep - welcome, welcome...hang around i'm sure you'll get more thanks to Mr.Gabby!

hiredgun - LOVL! you ARE funny. start your own blog aleady!

MD - you've got to be kidding write BEAUTIFULLY!...(but i'm lapping it all up of course, LOL, THANK YOU!)

ash - sexy compliments/swoops etc. are now all suspect...! i'll keep looking for ulterior motives! well at least he was looking for OUR health by insisting on me not doing the dishes :)

8:20 PM  
Blogger Khushee said...

As long as he does the dishes, all is good ;)

8:22 PM  
Blogger anantha said...

OMG, Mr.Gabby totally meant it when he said "Sweetie"! What makes you think he did not? I mean it everytime I say it to.. to.. to.. well.. atleast I would mean it when i get the chance to say it to someone and I have no reason to believe that Mr.Gabby wouldnt!

And FYI, all you ladies, guys actually love cooking!

hmmmphhh.... ladki log :P

8:36 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

khushee - so agree!

anti - jhoot ke upar jhoot! he was just buttering me up after telling me my cleaning sucked & you are just telling women you love cooking cos you're in the market yourself! watch out girls!

8:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL, Mr.Gabby is tricky!


8:52 PM  
Blogger shub said...

hell, whatcha cribbin bout lady??!! he does teh dishes. And does not crib. Period!!
Can you tell me when he become available again! *wink*
Nice one!

8:55 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Peggy, Shub and all other women of my world - please don't lose focus. let's lament the fact that romance has gone out of the window...yes it is nice that dishes are getting done but don't forget, being deluded for 4 years is not fun missies....! :)

thanks for dropping by!

9:12 PM  
Blogger manuscrypts said...

confirmed what i always thought..sometimes guys should just let some things be..hehe :)

9:15 PM  
Blogger sanguine said...

you are blessed,hon !
i dont do any packing when we travel (snigger snigger ) ; i dont cook boneless chicken (i dont handle it delicately enuff- mish mash it apparently ; snigger snigger) ..he cannot "stand" it too ...
life is good !
so next time you are in india ; we have to meet .. mine will cook; yours wl do the dishes ..and we my girl wl watch tv n sip wine ..MWWWAAAAAHHHHAAAAAH

9:31 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

manuscrypts - he is happy! apart from promises that "leaning interestingly" usually bring, he feels he hasn't lost out anywhere! :)

sanguine - LOL! looks like the intolerance can be reaped long and strong! power to us! you got yourself a deal babe...I'M ON MY WAY!!!!

9:38 PM  
Blogger Sudipta Chatterjee said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:44 PM  
Blogger Sudipta Chatterjee said...

I actually found a very convenient way of getting my mom and sisters to ask me (read beg me) not to help them in any cooking, which was, to start snooping around start eating even before the material is baked. Me in the kitchen these days means a red alert!!

Your poor hubby! I don't remember the last time I actually washed my plate before eating here. Hostel life, you know!

10:46 PM  
Blogger phatichar said...

It's been a while since I did the dishes...*sigh*, the gasket thingy got me all nostalgic. I used to enjoy washing that. Just hold the scotchbrite in one place and turn the ring around..What fun!

("What are you saying, ramana, get a hold on yourself".)

I'm of the opinion that guys who can't cook are great dishwashers and vice-versa. There, I've said it now! :)

10:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are working him too hard, honey. Make sure you add an extra spoonful to his Horlicks.!!

pssst..Does he have a housetrained bro? A remote cousin perhaps??

*Red Hands*

5:26 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Sudipta - all these excuses and tricks work only back home! if you have plans of travelling abroad, tell me and i will tell you all the sweet, sweet things you have to bid good bye to! (besides the obvious ones of course!)

Phatichar - you seriously crack me up :) LOL @ nostalgia! As usual I am assured that hubby's "bimarees" are so commonplace.. Ask your wife if you can wash the gasket thingie today - go, my treat! :)

Red Hands (Is that your name? interesting!) - Get in line sweetie, his bro has had a surprising increase in interest from the fairer sex since I have started blogging...don't worry i'll slip in the good word for ya. and hey it seems like half the male population has the cleaning fetish!...lots of 'em out there!

7:15 AM  
Blogger anantha said...

Gabby: Whoa.. whoa..! Jhoot ke upar jhoot? And market?

To quote Mr.Heckles, I COULD be in the market, but to choose, not to be chosen...

7:16 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

anti - honey, you ARE in the market, you just don't know it yet. check with your mom, she'll tell you :)

8:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy to note that the dark mood has passed and has been replaced by dry, amusing one.


9:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can I please meet with Mr & Mrs Gabby?

12:07 PM  
Blogger thennavan said...

Maybe you should start writing for Bollywood flicks. Your posts have everything in them - romance, mystery, intrigue etc.

Can you wait a minute? I will put you on a conference call with Subhash Ghai :-)

12:39 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

passer-by - totally thrilled that you think my humour is dry, as i did not think of it as so :)...wait a min, did you say my mood was dry?...hmmm..don't know what to make of that now. anyways, keep passing by!

anon - see mr.gabby is busy with stained glass, horlicks and doing dishes...and mrs.gabby is busy writing about it. so lets just chat here, ok?

thennavan - aiyoo! my blog has been equated to bollywood flick, don't know whether to laugh or cry! all-in-one, something-for-all, dime-a-dozen type? o well there's always the "Sholay" i can think of this as :) thanks!

12:57 PM  
Blogger anantha said...

Gabby: You are not my mom, are you?
I don't think so, cos she can't speak Telugu, not even the bit u left on my blog!
Nah... I dont think I am in the market. When I am in the market, I'd know. Cos then I'd get a long lecture on the fruits of letting the senior citizens in the family choose for me! And i am not really telling anyone just yet, how I'd react to that lecture :p

1:05 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Anti - okay, okay, so you're not in the market! & when you are, here's hoping you cruise through all the lectures smoothly!...

(okay all you nice tam single women, shoo shoo! stay away from anti, he is NOT in the market!)

1:25 PM  
Blogger Megha said...

As someone who loves to cook but hates to do the dishes, I totally agree that you've attained the elusive nirvana. Kudos! And boy am I glad you stopped by on my blog! I'm having an absolute blast on yours! :) Can't wait to come back for more!

And sidenote to aNTi - you're NOT in the market? Now where did I hear someone mention that you were 'undeservingly single'? Oh darn..

2:03 PM  
Anonymous sqrl/NT said...

thats interesting.. we have deal going too.. if one cooks, the other does the dishes..:) no dishwasher..:(

2:05 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Megha - your Amar Chitra Katha tale had me in splits. Glad to be be able to return favour of free entertainment!

anti is an enigma. he's going around asking for "scrabble" partners in one blog, calls himself "undeservingly single" in another and then proclaims disinterest in merchandise...methinks merchandise is losing interest in him...(Megha, save "Oh darn" for 'deserving' single!)

sqrl/nt - see, in our case the dishwasher is not really helping as mr.gabby has trust issues with it. please, take ours.

2:14 PM  
Blogger anantha said...

Ladies.. ladies.. ladies.. Peace be with you and anybody who you think should be in peace with me, incl. that Division One Scrabble champion who uses words from Rajni movies (that Alpha refuses to let me meet)!

* Smokes the peace pipe and holds it in the general direction of anyone who'd like to share it!

Ummm. Megha, now who would that be that told you?

2:17 PM  
Blogger Megha said...

GratisGab -- Thank you once again :) Looking forward to seeing you around more often!

aNTi -- Information of this kind is distributed by one and one person alone - a certain individual named 'little birdie' :)

2:26 PM  
Blogger anantha said...

Aaaah... I never mentioned disinterest in merchandise (now where did I say THAT?)... I am just disinterested in certain or most merchandise!

2:28 PM  
Blogger anantha said...

* racks his brain hard!
* knows enough hindi to understand "little birdie" when translated to Hindi is "Choti Chidiya"...
* Realises that in the Mumbai underworld, "Chidiya" refers to the cell phone
* racks his brain harder!

2:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whose brain bits have been scattered all over the place creating such a horrid mess?

2:53 PM  
Blogger capriciously_me said...

lol grat...ur post is real fun to read but the comments section is more fun...rotfl...

first time here....from anti's blog...nice :)

3:50 PM  
Blogger anantha said...

Thank You CM...

*takes a bow....

5:29 PM  
Blogger Primalsoup said...

Oh, already the elusive Nirvana has happened. I have been looking for it in a long while now, sadly nothing much is happening. You want to give me some tips on that?

Oh before, I forget. It was fun to read your, 'Before-After' thingamujig. I think I would choose, 'No Dishes' over 'Romance' any day! :)

6:32 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Anti - Your strong reaction in this blog and your own one, convinces me that you are indeed in the market :)...(people who are off the market don't care so much about self-image...look at mr.gabby he just reads what I write and then says "hmmm" :))...SO, Scrabble-playing hot babes can please apply for tamil-speaking easily-panicking boy, goes by the name of "Anti", nice fellow.

CM - Thank you, what can't be achieved through my writing, I strive to achieve thru other people' readers are a talented bunch, they blow me away.

primalsoup - I find out that i'm a novice. Read sanguine's comment, girl has the formula perfected :)

7:16 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Alpha - that would be anti's...he's been busting his brains trying to decipher Megha's comment :)

7:23 PM  
Blogger KJ said...

ROTFL!!!! Wonderful blog.....

11:55 PM  
Blogger . : A : . said...

A twist in the tale!


Thanbks for dropping by my blog and commenting.

12:10 AM  
Blogger anks said...


First timer here.... nice post! Ur husband seems straight out of the sets of Full House! Danny Tanner re-incarnated!!LoL

And you have achieved domestic Nirvana!

12:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Desi Flintstone's!!! How I love 'em!!!

12:52 AM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

You are quite hysterical sometimes! It only took five years for this truth to come out? Lucky you. My mom would learn something she'd been doing "wrong" for the past 30 years when dad finally had all he could take of it! We used to laugh hysterically about it when he'd finally gripe after all those years. Mom, of course, didn't think it was all that funny.
I love to see your humor shine through in your writings!

4:00 AM  
Blogger Peg said...

HAHAHAHA! You are an excellent conveyor of domestic life!! Another excellent post!!

Hmm. how did I end up with cooking AND doing the dishes, must of missed something back then!! ;-)

5:55 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

kj, .:a:., thanks guys!

anks - Hee Hee, never thought of him that way but quite apt I must say! :)

anon - we're now cartoon characters! o well...we love you too! who are you?

Weary Hag - Ah but this is one of many "wrongs" I suspect...every day is a does mean a steady flow of blog material for the next several years tho! :)...Your Mom should blog about this stuff too! :)

Peg - Maybe it's time you got really "bad" at something too! :)

Thanks for coming by people! :)

10:03 PM  
Blogger Twilight Fairy said...

Ur hubby knows the tricks of the trade dear :).. at least he's sugared it up with some romance..

12:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

u certainly have the knack to write well...
had fun reading all the postings on your blog....
the posting bout the dishes, ur friend n horlicks... really neat ;) ;)

1:31 AM  
Blogger anumita said...

Lucky, lucky you! How I hoped for someone who would find fault with my cooking and cleaning and take over...
Alas, It's taken over (out of pity) and my suspicious and cranky mind snoops around and finds rubber not washed and dust swept under the carpet! Hah!

1:35 AM  
Blogger AmitL said...

LOLOL..This was a good post..reminded me of a friend who told me about his wife"At home,I am her guy and her gaai(Cow)".:)(Interpret as u want,though I think it stood for cleaning dishes).Just one curious query-I didn't know glasses had a 'stem'??*most innocent look*.:)

3:42 AM  
Anonymous Observer said...

This is a good enough translation of a domestic situation. But your previous untitled post was a poignant piece which showed more promise. Don't sway to "popular" styles.

8:45 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

T-Fairy - At least. At least I enjoyed being "decieved" :)

Anon - Thank you, very much.

Anumita - You are your enemy it seems! LOL!

Amit - Wine glasses have stems my dear. Wait a minute were you trying something there? Not working Amitji, not working! :)

observer - Whoa! Thanks for the observations. Ouch, so it's pretty obvious what I'm doing here huh? :)

9:22 AM  
Blogger thennavan said...

Gabby, what happened? You said you would refer me to a friend of yours(the TamBrahm workaholic :-))

2:26 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

thennavan - TamBrahm workaholic is checking out another probable case...see this market is super-dynamic (u snooze, you lose, I'm finding out)..this happened too fast, before I could put forth your case. But I have my eyes/ears open and if that bugger loses out (matter is still is preliminary stages) I'll sneak you in, promise!! :)

2:39 PM  
Anonymous alpha said...

ailla! How do I stop you from going around providing matrimonial services here also? And poor dare you sideline him like this..Will a reco from me help?

2:52 PM  
Blogger anantha said...

Whoa whoa.. Tam Mat service? And I thought i was teaching someone Thamizh for noble cause of education. But I seem to be aiding an exercise in monetary growth.

Yo Gabby...I need a cut, in cash or in kind! Gal, you listening to this brother from another mother here?

3:13 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Anti - Not Tam Mat service, just Mat Service. My quest for learning is not tainted in any which way, gurudev. See I tried to enroll you as a client too but you went around all over blogland yelling and screaming.

brother from another mother? sorry couldn't quite get that!

Alpha - When we approach the ladki-wale, we'll be pretending we don't know you. That is how they do it - keep the skeletons and general problematic stuff hidden. We might need a reco if the girl is from Singapore and avid blogger though, so stay tuned.

3:21 PM  
Blogger anantha said...

Gabby: Whoa, I did not scream anywhere! And U said u were learning Thamizh which made me give you some pointers. Being the articulate gentleman I am, I could not bear someone struggling with something and I really thought you were !
Brother from another mother - Literal translation being someone you consider a brother inspite of not sharing a mother with him!!
It is a term used by mah man Snoop to introduce his man Pharell!
Hmmm.. I think i will lie low now. But i will be available just in case you have doubts with your Tam lessons.

3:35 PM  
Blogger thennavan said...

Gratis, thanks for looking out for me :-)

Alpha, thanks to you too for taking MY side (a reco would sure help :-))

Anti, sheegrameva nalla
Aunty (mother-in-law) prapthirasthu :-)

7:11 PM  
Blogger Santanu said...

64 comments and counting!! Great going.
I would any day prefer to die together than do dishes alone! Thank God for the helping hands here or I wouldn't be blogging :-)

10:27 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

thanks for coming by Santanu! i agree!

10:58 PM  
Blogger doutes said...

Oh my God... I feel I have attained Nirvana knowing that I am not the only one who got displaced off my throne (nah.. didn't want it anyway! ) because I don't clean the back of the pan or don't remove the ring of the cooker! I don't and I won't and so I don't do dishes anymore either.

Great blog and I'm loving it!

2:33 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

sb - LOL, good for ya! Thanks, nice to see you here. :)

6:56 PM  
Blogger visithra said...

The big book of laws prohibits women to do work voluntarily or involuntarily done for them.

So sit back and enjoy the wine and the romance :)

hehehe good post :))))

11:36 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

visithra - doing that right NOW. thanks for coming by...will check out your blog now! :)

8:49 AM  
Blogger visithra said...

Thanks for coming by mine :)))

8:01 PM  
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10:20 PM  

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