Thursday, May 05, 2005

Gripes Galore

Off late I have been too sparing in the griping. Mr.Gabby does not think so, but my friends? Oh, they have been almost all spared. They are all still my friends, minus the stingy ones. But that does not mean that things have been purrfect and the irking has not been happening. Today, I will devote my energies to The Griping On The Friends.

Boston has been kind, and we have been hanging out with some interesting people since we have moved here. They come in all shapes and sizes though and we are yet learning to embrace the new, which proves to be quite tricky at times.

The couple who is too Couply. Hello, we are here, sitting in front of you, do talk to us. It’s just the 4 of us here so if we are not that interesting to you tonight, you should have STAYED HOME IN BED. We are here to mingle, so pray stop mingling with the straps of your girlfriend’s sexy strappy dress and MINGLE WITH US. Look at Mr.Gabby and me, now, come on, you can do it. She will not disappear during the 2 seconds you make eye contact with us, I promise. (Or maybe she will? Suddenly there’s some light!)

The Seeking Singles. Don’t get me wrong, I understand, you are on the look-out for that Mr or Miss Eligible and we married people are merely the network through which you hope to meet that person. But please, do us the courtesy of pretending you want to talk to us too. Or should we just be happy you put makeup on, for us. Also try to pause between the following three sentences “Oh, Mr.Gabby’s friend who came here to interview, did he get that job? Is he single? How old is he?”, or maybe you can even wait for us to tell you he is single and all that. I’ll love to hook you all up, so then maybe we can all have a REAL conversation.

The Well Educated who tell you they are Well Educated. I love a good school as much as the next guy, maybe even more actually. But there must be something wrong with that Ivy League education of yours if it’s not really coming through and making itself obvious. Do you have to tell me the name of your school in your second sentence to me? If you’re hoping that that name will do your work for you and impress everyone at the table, you’re a little mistaken. It’s still just a school, and you might have got all those A’s too but show me you are not flunking life and then I’m your friend. The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows, and when I hear that opening line of yours, I can see you’re still stuck at the mirror.

The Nearly Famous. In Their Minds. These are the famous name droppers. “Do you know Mr. & Mrs ***? You don’t?” There’s a little pause there when you register the dismay, disappointment and surprise in their eyes that you have not rubbed shoulders with the rich-n-famous Indians of the New England area. And it’s almost 2 WHOLE YEARS since we have moved here! Oh Lord! No, sometimes, I don’t even know OF these people, let alone know them. “O well, we were at their party last Saturday, they auctioned off some of their paintings you know, for charity” “Verrry nice people, you should meet them” they sing. Their purpose met after those names have been mentioned, they usually drift off after a few of these lines. They have told this table they are famous. They need to enlighten the next one now.


The Used To Be Nearly Famous. Now this is a sad breed. As they live in the past and then they expect you to live it with them when they tell you ALL ABOUT IT. It’s very depressing to watch. These are the ones who knew the Tatas and the Birlas or worse, the Abhisheks and the Kareenas or the Madhavans and the Trishas. Their sisters and brothers and cousins were all classmates of the Stars. And they would all come home, the Stars, that is. Yes, all the time. In fact they still party with them when they’re home in Andheri or wherever, and like crazy! "O Madhavan is a real flirt when he’s drunk!" It’s all very buddy-buddy. It’s all very OVER. We are not 19 here, lets save the gushing for meaningful things, like the food.

I could go on but I think I’ll stop. I’ll like to keep the remaining ones. There's a party on Friday and there's no point messing up the weekend plans. Well, till this greedy child of mine, namely this blog, asks for more, more, more. Eventually I know I will relent.

62 Comments:

Blogger Sudipta Chatterjee said...

You missed one category, and they are (at least here in India), the I Have Money ones. They have to speak the queen's language even if they are sodomising it, and even if the rest of the company are talking in the local tongue. They will not talk to too many people, and will never sit beside you at the dinner time if you are the one who has been conversin to everyone.

The rest of it, well said!

10:25 PM  
Blogger sanguine said...

LOL ..i know the categories ; specially the last one .. there are so many of this type here in mumbai ..
n btw, loved your last post .fabulous .

10:26 PM  
Blogger shub said...

:) nicely put....but one part of it i loved...not jsuf or teh humor...but the reality..."It’s still just a school, and you might have got all those A’s too but show me you are not flunking life and then I’m your friend. The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows, and when I hear that opening line of yours, I can see you’re still stuck at the mirror." nicely putGabby, nicely put.! :)

10:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL Gratis, another GREAT post.

10:59 PM  
Blogger Rhyncus said...

That education line was (ok, I see 'nicely put' has already been used and twice, that too...umm..) crisp.

Hopefully you'll meet more such varieties at the Friday party. Looking forward to the Sunday post. :)

1:25 AM  
Blogger phatichar said...

hahaha...nice one! And then, there are the silent ones. "We-don't-socialize-much" kinds who look and behave as though this whole party thing was a lousy idea to begin with. All smiles and monologues..hmmm..

1:27 AM  
Blogger manuscrypts said...

sharp claws, i say...lol.. i'm keeping my comments to myself...:)

4:05 AM  
Anonymous alpha said...

How about the Annoying Lonely Long Distance Affair Person? Finds herself at your home every weekend and doesn't let us poor married couple even touch each other. Always whines, "Don't do that in front of me..I miss my boyfriend!!' When finally the marriage happens, you hardly see her.

5:37 AM  
Blogger mrhaney said...

i just happened to find your blog from carols blog at the
"thecerebraloutpost." you have a good blog. have a great day.

5:38 AM  
Anonymous sqrl/NT said...

And then there are BLOGGERS.. Man if u happen to meet one of them, rest assured you are going to have a piece written about yourself..on some webpage or the other....:).. their conversations seem to be geared towards only one thing...to get enough out of you to make you look like an idiot on the blog.:)

6:21 AM  
Blogger doutes said...

Awesome! What about the Look-at-me-and-do-everything-I-do.. "Ohh we renovated.. Yes we got all new furniture.. You should change your furniture too.. get something that's more in these days.." Sweety..shut up when you have nothing but your stupidity to show.. that's in too these days! This person though I have to tell you when she had a baby went so far as to say.. "You should have one too!" Bah!!

6:39 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Sudipta - 'I Have Money' is here too...most of my people are the "I have no Money" even if they HAVE money though!

Sanguine - Power to you my dear, you're right there in Mumbai and doing so fine, you rock.

Shub - Thanks! Seriously don't know how that nice line crept in while bitching and moaning all over the place.

Anon - Thanks

Rhyncus - Friday should be interesting, some new people too, fresh meat :)

Phatichar - I KNOW! Again, if this is so lame, GO HOME, I say.

Manuscrypts - Ah, we're playing it safe are we, come now, everybody is sharing, you should too.

Alpha - I knew that was coming! I think the bane of my presence in your apartment kept ya'll from clawing eachother's eyes out at times. And at other times, well...I did sneak away as early as possible on Sunday mornings right? And I wouldn't even rush back if I forgot something, being considerate (and also very scared of catching you in a any-hoo whatever)

mrhaney - thanks, good day to you too. nice to see you here.

sqrl/nt - LOVL! I was wondering how long before someone brought that up! We ARE evil, aren't we? Well at least we don't take names...but that means we're the cowardly lot...kya karun, I try so hard to keep this space non-controversial but it's just not working :)

sb - Thanks. Oh YES, an extension of your example is the "Why's"...It's like you're not married, so "Why?", you don't have a baby, "Why?" again. Bah! (lovely word that, says so much)

8:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love the bitching LOL! Again a contrast from your last post.

-Shobha

9:46 AM  
Blogger thennavan said...

There is also the "friend-thru-electronic-pathways-such-as-blogs-who-hopes-to-find-that-perfect-someone-thru-your-network" :-)

Now, don't b**** about him plz:-)

10:09 AM  
Blogger tilotamma said...

well, well, well

AApne meri muh ki baath cheen li......

Especially Gripe1.

10:17 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Shobha - Thanks honey, I knew you would be supportive :)

thennavan - Don't worry, you're spared. Watch out for Sunday's post though :)

10:20 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

tilotamma - Glad you agree! & welcome! Yes, the gripes are in order too...#1 does take the cake, non?

10:22 AM  
Blogger thennavan said...

Gabby, I am really beginning to get cold feet now. (invokes Bhagwan) Dear God, er, can we skip Sunday this week and just have Monday following Saturday :-)

10:46 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

thennavan - you have 3 whole days in your hands boy, work hard now and Sunday might be fun. Even for you :)

10:51 AM  
Blogger thennavan said...

Now this is getting to be as mysterious as a woman (oops, I should learn to be more PC) :-)

11:01 AM  
Anonymous HiredGun said...

Heh, you are meeting the folks in various stages of evolution:

The Well Educated are still hungover from their grad school. This morphs into the SeekingSingles which then morphs into the CoupleWhoIsTooCouply. Obviously you have not met the next stage -- WithBaby in which case the conversation is all about the SuperBaby.

Actually, I should change one thing: the hangover from grad school never wears out if the grad school degree was an MBA. :)

11:42 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

hiredgun - SuperBaby! How could I forget! Hmmm, I better start taking notes for Sunday's blog. Your very astute observation on the hangover that NEVER goes away, has just shown you up as a very promising young man yourself. You will go places hiredgun. :)

11:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOOOOOOL LOOOOOL LOOOOOOL

12:03 PM  
Anonymous Zoheb said...

Gabby, you have offended me greatly :-( I belong to all the categories that you have badly mauled.

1. Too couply couple. I would have done the same .... if I had a gf :-(
2. Gabby, from the previous statement you would know that I am single. And I thought I could use your help :-(
3. The only good thing about me is my education. If I dont mention that, then what else is there :-(
4. Oh well, I have never been to a nearly-famous party, but I almost got invited once :-(
5. Did you know my classmate in engg was Ajit Agarkar's classmate and one of my friends is Ashmit Patel's friend? :-)

However, I have this feeling alpha belonged to category 1 :-)

Now, I am already getting fears about Sunday's blog. But I am a brave man, I will be around on Sunday too :-)

12:20 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Anon - I take it you are amused? :)

Zoheb - Whachhyu saying? This is not just your second sentence to me in life, so it's ok to ask me to set you up, so I'll let that go. As for having just an education, I think you're wrong. You my friend have The Sense Of The Humour. The Very Sought-After Commodity Amongst the Peoples. Rest assured, you will not need the six-degree connection with Ashmit (who?) Patel to see you though.

For the record - Education is a wonderful thing and I'm from as nerdy a family as there can be, myself. What turns me off is people SHOWING OFF about their education, not having it.

See ya Sunday Zoheb-bhai!

1:03 PM  
Anonymous Zoheb said...

Arre, don't take my comment seriously. I was only joking around :-) It would be quite impossible to find a 5-in-1.

As for Ashmit Patel, he is Amisha Patel's brother and has been seen in a few movies. I was hoping to score some points with Amisha through him, but Amisha to ghar chhod ke bhaag gayi :-(

3:01 PM  
Anonymous alpha said...

Zo: Me and category 1? Need to set records straight here. Firstly, I don't wear sexy strappy dress (in front of Gabby) and secondly only beer and food gets my hubby's undivided attention.

3:18 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Alpha - Why the (in front of Gabby)? Don't feel safe around me or what? And you're not scrictly category 1, but why was the only lament from you about not having enough alone-time? Huh? Bol, bol!

Zo - the kutchie-koo coupling used to happen sometimes in front of my very eyes! Shiv shiva!!

3:35 PM  
Anonymous alpha said...

safe yes...but sparing rest of worldly population sore eyes. Lament was not for alone time, it was for you not coming to meet us anymore. *hope this brought temperatures in Boston down*

zo: I have a problem with Public display of affection. So in case you get a girlfriend and if she wears strappy burkha and if you happen to play with the straps and if it's me instead of Gabby sitting and trying to have conversation then ... (insert smart comment, I'm overworked)

3:50 PM  
Blogger Khushee said...

You are very observant ;) :D

4:39 PM  
Blogger anantha said...

Gabby: WOW! I mean...WOW! Luckily I am not a party animal! But I am LOUD! So, you will have to start a new list for me ;)

And we married people are merely the network through which you hope to meet that person might be like giving yourself too much credit :D I wouldn't agree on that unless you hook me up with a hot blond that works with you or Mr.Gabby!

6:32 PM  
Blogger anantha said...

Now where did that "e" fly away?

ROTFL at the PJ!

7:22 PM  
Blogger Suhail said...

Wow !..You have some serious skills. Writing skills, I mean. And I see, it has already been said a *hajaar* times, but make that hajaar+1. You write awesome, beautiful. In your last post I literally had the "dull brick-red window framed scenes" in front of my eyes superimposed on top of my LCD. While we are at it, read this train post. On a different track(pun intended) but v.good. Isn't there something so moving about train journeys ?

You should seriously think of getting published somewhere down the line. A short stories collection or something like that. You heard of caferati, writersNet & other such groups ? Chk em out. You might just get something going on there. Had a hearty laugh on your other previous posts too...simply excellent. Keep it up.

Right now I am just overawed to say anything else and running out of superlatives. So will be back later :)

-Suhail
(dropped by while "walking on clouds")

8:14 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Alpha - Heh, strappy burkha! That would be cool, in silk.

Khushee - Thanks..in most of these cases though even people at the NEXT table would be able to blog this...:)

Anti - WOW with astonsihment that I can be such a b**** or at my writing??? Or at your own narrow escape? I don't mind loud people at all honey, it's the ultra-soft-spoken ones that can send down gripe-way again though!

Boy, for a sec you had be reeling!

8:23 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Suhail - Wow, I must admit, that felt good :) (I'm a total sucker for praise as you must have no doubt made out! *Sheepish grin*). Thanks I will check those sites out. But as I said once before in one of these comment boxes, I stumble upon some AWESOME talent in these blogs, and I mostly end up feeling I have a loooong way to go. But this kinda encouragement is very encouraged ! :D ...Will check out your haven now. Thanks for stopping by!

8:31 PM  
Blogger anumita said...

Hehehe! I love this!!
*I am telling myself I don't fall into any of gabby's categories before laughing again*

9:41 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Anumita - you don't honey...that's the cool thing about blog pals, it's all good :)

9:57 PM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

You have one amazing blog! Always always a surprise ~ I never know which sort of mood you'll be in for your next post ~ which keeps it soooo very interesting. I couldn't agree more about all the different types of people you come across, but I have to agree with your first commentor here ~ those "I've got money" folks are really annoying too.
As you know Gratis, I so love a good rant.
This is perfect.

2:51 AM  
Blogger anantha said...

Gabby: Yes. Yes. Yes. And I'd like to think I am funny, so I don't think I'd be remembered as part of a list, not unless I am the only one on the list! And ya, I was reeling. And that was when the "e" went flying away from "Blonde" leaving her a "blond"!
(P.S The common housefly is called "e" in Thamizh!)

6:58 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Thanks Weary! I live in fear that my readers will start believing I'm on some weird combination of mood-uplifters and stabilizers...I've realized the nature of my posts is yo-yo-ing all over the place :) Very happy to hear that you enjoyed my rant! Your "Things that Annoy..." blew me away with its accuracy !

Anti - I agree, you do need to be put separately on a list of your own. It is not possible to categorize you in any way. People who're going "Really?", please go check out his blog! :)

7:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good post. Very entertaining.

-passer-by

9:54 AM  
Blogger anantha said...

Gabby: Thank you for the referral. But I am getting the feeling that you are poking fun at me. :p
Hey, not that I mind, if it adds positively to your life. Laughter is the best medicine and I don't mind being the doctor who give you that brand of medicine :).
Keep sending ppl my way and mebbe its time u added a blogroll and put me on top of THAT list, even though "alphabetically speaking" Alpha might stand a better chance of being No.1 on that list!

10:07 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Anti - No da, actually yes da :) Believe me you have been a big provider of that medicine (not always unintentionally, you will be happy to hear). I'm too lazy for that blogroll thingie, I usually go to other people's blogs and use their blogrolls...keeps it unpredictable and all.

10:32 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Ooops. passer-by - thanks!

*Don't wanna get berated for missing you out as has happened with Anti!*

10:55 AM  
Blogger anantha said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:53 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Should be fun, for me and hopefully for you all too! Have a good weekend Anti.

1:56 PM  
Blogger anantha said...

oops.. sorry.. somehow i deleted my own comment :(

Here it is again...

Not always unintentionally??? (so sometimes unintentionally?)
As for not having a blogroll. To each his own I guess, cos I have one becos i am lazy.. But its all cool :) Have a nice party tonight :D

2:01 PM  
Blogger Suhail said...

GG: Don't worry about other's blogs. Everyone takes that first step where you just gotta bury the ghosts and lay the demons to rest(ooh..that was too Ramsay-ish! ain't it?). Just think that you are THE champ. Having gone through some more of your archives(awesome!!), I am now fairly convinced you should definitely attempt a hand at short story writings. If my words can inspire you in any measure, I'll be glad to have given back to the author(even if it's in kind encouragement). And hey I'll also buy your book. Just that I'll insist on a signed copy :)

Check out the Sulekha-Penguin fresh writer's contest. You have missed this year's boat, but no probs..keep a watch for the next one. Such forums are nice places to blot yr first drops of ink. (eg. Abbas Tyrewala scriptwriter of Munnabhai, started with writing college plays and Kadar Khan was a prof. in Polytechnic - used to write/direct college plays). Just two examples of inspiration. You know the others.

chalo then :))
~SK
btw: With a sheepish guilty grin I'll take the liberty of proudly appropriating KaderKhan, coz he was the prof. in my polytechnic and infact in his early no-one-knows-him days stayed in the building next to mine. Ofcourse we are years apart, and he is unlucky not to have know me :-) That doesn't make me *nearly* famous naa ?

8:05 PM  
Blogger Arunima said...

enjoyed the post thoroughly and all the comments. Alpha's just stood out as the most hilarious. I am still grinning.

Nice blog you got here!

11:50 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Suhail - You've got me all pumped about this now. Maybe I WILL try some serious writing! :) Will keep you updated Suhail bhai! THANKS! Maybe I should first just write, getting published is not a joke, so we can just cross that bridge when we come to it...*wondering if I should use your Nearly Famous status* :)...Again, thanks so much for your encouragement.

Arunima - Thanks girl! & yes, Alpha is a Star in this comment box. That's what makes me Nearly Famous you know :)

6:19 AM  
Blogger Peg said...

And these tables have come to light and they never get better!! ;-)

OOOH, I really wished I'd a said all that! :-)

6:40 AM  
Blogger anantha said...

ohhhhh... Gabby, u and Alpha were roomies shoomies?

5:00 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Peg - Thanks so much!

Anti - No da. (Not helping you there!) :)

10:22 PM  
Blogger KJ said...

ROTFL.....

You forgot the KNOW ALL types, knowing everything happening everywhere.

10:25 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

kj - O yeah, the "Newspapers", of course. My list for the sequel is growing and growing...!

10:47 PM  
Blogger anantha said...

Duh! Gabby... what help are you talking about :p

5:15 PM  
Blogger Suhail said...

Sure..go ahead and use my nearly famous status as much as you want. Drop names left, right and center. But there's one condition. Just pass on my blog URL whenever you brag. That should be some start towards actually making me "nearly famous" ;-)
Cheers!

6:21 PM  
Blogger KJ said...

Gratisgab,

Yes, the BBC's, CNN's, CBS's etc..

1:43 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Suhail - You got it, it's a deal :)

kj - Annnnoyying, isn't it?

12:19 PM  
Blogger Winged Umai said...

hope you had fun at the party.. :)

2:47 AM  
Blogger Terri said...

Gratisgab,

I love the way you publicly embarrass Mr. Gabby. I hope you never change and start referring to him as 'my darling hubby'.
I look forward to more entertaining posts on leaky breasts and non-stop nursing/pumping once the baby's born.
All the best! And please do tell us all the gory details.

10:41 AM  
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10:35 PM  

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