Thursday, September 29, 2005

Would you know me Daddy?

If you saw me today
At work or at play
If you passed me in the street
And our eyes happened to meet
Would you know me Daddy?

If I were
In a heated debate,
Or maybe in a huff
It would come
Easy enough...
Or in a tantrum
Or a fit
No surprises there
No need to pause
To stop, to think
Or even bat an eyelid.

But when I am
my better self
One that strives
To still imbibe
All you said...
To make sense
of lessons passed
Some direct
Some winded
Of control
Calmness
Of patience,
Silence.

That side does show
Now more than before
That side you had
No time to savor
One that was rarer
Than a nightingale’s song
The one I kept hidden
For so long… too long
I fear those lessons
Came with this cost
That the hardest chapters
You taught as you lost
That it took your departure
To make me ready
So would you know me now
Would you know me Daddy?


22 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow.

2:03 PM  
Blogger anantha said...

ya... as anon says, WOW...

I won't say anything more....

3:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amazingly written. Suggestion: Can you break the third stanza into two ? Perhaps that might improve it a bit.

3:45 PM  
Blogger manan said...

beautiful!

6:49 PM  
Blogger Prerona said...

very nice

10:47 PM  
Blogger anumita said...

Beautifully written! Reminded me of song so beautifully sung.

11:26 PM  
Anonymous ?! said...

"I know that I’m a prisoner
To all my father held so dear
I know that I’m a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years"

More pertinent, I don't think he would've persevered unless he already knew you...

1:27 AM  
Blogger Twilight Fairy said...

touching.. err.. how come comments were enabled ? :p

2:36 AM  
Blogger manuscrypts said...

!

6:45 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Anon, Anti - Thank you.

Anon2 or Anon again - Just broke it out as per your suggestion. Stanzas have always been difficult for me. I guess I don't think in sections, only in a long rambling roll...Thank you.

Manan, Prerona, Anumita - Thank you.

?! - I hope so. Thanks for that. They always know there is good in us I think, I only wonder why we try so hard to cover it up. In my case, it was like I never grew out of my rebellious teens.

TFairy - I tend to turn off comments when the subject is not very obvious. Then I am afraid of questions that might unknowingly make light of a piece that means more to me than the usual rant. This one is quite clear in what I'm talking about, so I can safely credit my readers to be their sensitive selves. Thank you.

Manu - ?

7:11 AM  
Anonymous Maddie said...

?! said it. Was going to quote the same lines. Thank you for this.

9:21 AM  
Anonymous Ashok said...

Man! You're good. That doesn't look like amateur poetry at all.

Take care G.

9:33 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Maddie - You're right! ?! chooses well.

Ashok - Thank you very much.

10:40 AM  
Anonymous ?! said...

Everything you experience, but most particularly poetry, is part what is written and part what the audience brings to it. Sometimes one brings so much that is internal and private to what is written that it is safer to take refuge in quotes!

11:58 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

?! - As I said, you choose well :)

12:42 PM  
Blogger KJ said...

very well written!!!

reminds me of Eric Clapton's "Tears in Heaven"

11:58 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Thanks kj.

6:04 AM  
Anonymous karan said...

Really WOW! Where can i signup for the Gabby fan club?

12:24 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Thanks very much Karan.

7:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the first few lines and the last few lines are very nicely written. the reference to the nightingale is very out of place. all the lines in the middle just felt like broken lines, I was unable to piece them together. but maybe its just me.

all in all quite touching. and deep too.

10:00 PM  
Blogger Peg said...

Excellent piece Gabby!! Every word and every emotion! Very, very well written!
Excellent piece!!

1:49 PM  
Anonymous Author by the brook said...

SIgh I am missing dad... :(

11:05 AM  

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